Fun Fact Friday - Uncommon Cents

Woah! I'm sorry. I hope you weren't completely blown away by my awesome pun. That could be dangerous. And what could today's fun fact possibly be about? Badgers? Arctic winds? The distinct smell of celery? Probably not rare coins. That shit sounds boring. It really does.

Fun fact: The first official U.S. money was issued in 1787 and carried the inscription "Mind your business."

Yes, this is a fun fact about the illusive Fugio Cent! Purportedly designed by the whoring Ben Franklin, Fugio pennies are worth at least a couple hundred dollars. But that isn't why I give two shits. I just think it's cool that the first U.S. money basically said, "Fuck off."

Seriously. "In God we trust." What kind of shit is that? "Mind your business" is bold. It's brash! It would really give the NSA something to think about instead of our particular pornographic habits. Basically, I think we need a better motto. Sure, "fuck off" would be fun. "Cuddle puddle time!" would be ideal. But anything would be better than saying we place the trust of our economy - of our nation, really - in the hands of a god who sends bears to kill children for mocking a bald man (2 Kings 2:24).

I'm just saying that Ben Franklin banged a lot of women who were significantly younger than he was. Just ask his syphilis. And if he got all those ladies, he clearly had something going for him. Despite the syphilis.

"I do not look like the kind of man that attracts swaths of young ladies." - Benjamin Eileen Franklin

On second thought, maybe we should put "Use a condom" on our money. It's useful, practical, and just the kind of advice that Ben Franklin really should have been giving.