Seeking Available Newsmen

Confession: I have a thing for newsmen. I don't know if it's the gravitas or simply the resonance of their voices, but I have publicly swooned for many men who perch behind an anchor desk. I've dreamed about meeting Brian Williams three times. While I tried to play it cool, even my subconscious can't seem to carry out a casual conversation with the anchor of the NBC Nightly News in the supermarket without flipping a shit. I have not, however, had any dreams about Larry King. Sorry. A woman must have her standards.

But why make this confession now? Because Anderson Cooper has come out. At this point, I'd like to make it clear that my disappointment in this fact is only because I (along with my entire comparative government class in high school) longed to woo Anderson Cooper. Who wouldn't with a giggle like his?

But, given his incredibly stirring words about his sexuality, I know it has come time for me to bid farewell to my ambition to seduce the Silver Fox. To help heal my young heart from this small shock of unrequited love, I submit to you, dear reader, a one sentence story that I wrote several years ago about the love I hoped to one day share with Anderson Cooper:

Anderson Cooper sat down in his chair, which did indeed swivel 360 degrees but somehow failed to capture the gravitas that Anderson did when he sat behind the newsman's desk to tape the show that thrilled hundreds of dorky teenage girls when at 11:00 it blinked onto their television sets and filled the screen with the silver haired, handsome slice of man-pie that could only be Anderson Hays Cooper, and picked up the script for that night's show, glanced through it, even as his mind traveled away from the story printed on the page in front of him to his decision to keep his personal life quiet and leave every single woman in America yearning for the answer to the question of his sexuality to know if all their dreams were as futile as they seemed or if, perhaps, there was hope that Anderson Cooper, the man behind the degrees, behind the gripping reports, behind the sharp suits and reporter's gaze, could love them back, and decided, even as he reread the crisp, cadenced words, to announce finally, once and for all, that he was not gay but waiting for the love of his love to graduate college so the two of them could finally be together.

While I still dream for a platonic relationship with Anderson Cooper, I know I must give up my dream of a romance building between us. At this time, however, I would like to issue a call to all straight, single newsmen: I am a single nerd simply seeking a newsman.

Please note that this excludes all Fox newsmen because the phrase "Fox newsmen" is oxymoronic.