Fun Fact Friday - Duck Tales

While you may have been expecting fun facts pertaining to the Disney cartoons about ducks, I will not be discussing the mishaps of Huey, Dewey, and Louie. Also, that DuckTales is all one word. So.

While I have written about ducks before, the duck facts (yeah, facts!) I am about to share are mostly for the benefit of a 14 year old from New Zealand. You see, I don't mean to favor ducks over other Aves, but if ducks are going to be our new overlords... well, I just think we all should be informed.

Our new overlords...

Perhaps I should explain. Jasmin, a homeschooled teenager from New Zealand, has been warning readers everywhere about the duck takeover of the world. While there is a lot of convoluted reasoning in her letter to a local newspaper, Jasmin essentially explains that because of the evolution (that she doesn't believe in) and the fact that ducks always nest in pairs, ducks will take over the world if we humans let homosexuality spread.

This brings me to duck fact one: Duck sex is mostly rape.

In fact, lady ducks contort their lady duck vaginas to try their hardest not to have sex with men ducks.  Men ducks, however, can also contort their penises. Somehow I don't think "rape" and "'nesting in pairs'" fit the same "potato, potahto" criteria. Or am I getting too hung up on semantics?

Duck fact two: Ducks can be gay.

Over 450 different species of animal have been observed to exhibit homosexual behavior. That includes ducks. Since Jasmin doesn't believe in all sorts of scientific things, I don't expect her to understand that the fact that homosexuality occurs naturally in the nature makes it natural and not some "ancient behavior" or "choice" to be derided.

Oh, look! These penguins are also gay. And fucking adorable.

Of course most people who argue against gay marriage don't pull out bullshit duck myths to do so. This New Zealand teen is uniquely ridiculous in that. And even though "the ducks will get you in the end" sounds pretty damn preposterous, I propose to you that she isn't any more stupid than other bigots who just so happen to couch their arguments in bullshit that does not involve birds.

And now, since I have spent most of my fun fact time inviting Jasmin to suck my lady balls, I will now offer the rest of you a duck fact unfettered by indignation.

Duck fun fact: Duck sperm (especially of colorful billed ducks) has antibacterial/STD fighting qualities.

Now if you'll excuse me, dear reader, I'm off to smear duck semen on my paper-cut. Good day.