Presidential Beauty - Part 6

It's the penultimate day of pageantry, which is honestly a relief. It's harder than you might imagine to sort through a selection of mostly mediocre men. If I'm being honest, today's candidates are also really more mediocre than handsome. Anyway...

12) Calvin Coolidge

"..." - Calvin Coolidge

Calvin "Silent Cal" Coolidge was a man of few words but ridiculous pets. Though I'm sure the ladies came for the pet pygmy hippo, they stayed for the piercing blue eyes.

11) James A. Garfield

"I may not be the cartoon cat, but I know my way around a pussy." - James A. Garfield

Sweet Flying Spaghetti Monster, that's a luscious beard! I don't really have anything else to say about President Garfield. He just has impressive facial hair.

10) Rutherford B. Hayes

"Luff, luff, luff." - Rutherford B. Hayes

When not finagling his way into the presidency, President Hayes spent his days grooming his beard. Rutherford also began the White House Easter Egg Roll because he loved to be around eggs.

9) John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"The syphilis doesn't lie, babe. I'm a stud." - John Fitzgerald Kennedy

I can feel you judging me, dear reader. "JFK? Number nine? He slept with Marilyn Monroe! And countless other women!" I imagine you saying. I wish you would stop. Take a moment too look at the picture. Really look at it. I'll give you handsomish, but not most handsome. Good day.

8) Jimmy Carter

"Let's farm my peanuts." - Jimmy Carter

Yes. I think Jimmy Carter is cute. Cuter than JFK. And I will not apologize for it.

7) Dwight Eisenhower

"I'll storm your beaches." - Dwight Eisenhower

Eisenhower rocks the scraggly eyebrows and the Bing Crosby blue eyes. I don't usually think of President Eisenhower as an attractive man because most of the time he probably wasn't. But it only takes one good day, I guess. Or a good portraitist.

6) Richard Nixon

"Don't you dare call me 'Dick.' But feel free to suck it." - Richard Nixon* 

Again, I sense your surprise. And disdain. After all it is Richard Nixon, the man who disgraced the office and allegedly had to shave a few times a day while campaigning to keep the scruff off. But doesn't that just show his manliness? *Part of this quote is actually factual. What!

So we end today's presidential ranking with a little bit of dick, but come back tomorrow for a whole lot of desire...