Fun Fact Friday - Frisky Facial Hair

Hello, dear reader. I have missed you. I cannot help but feel partially responsible for my long absence from the wonderful world of the interblag, probably because I am, in fact, responsible. Sometimes you just have to graduate from college. And then spend a week lying around your room watching what some might consider an irresponsible amount of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit while you should really be doing other things like, I don't know, unpacking from school or looking for a real job so you don't spend the rest of your life living in your parents house and working at a water park where people poop in the pools. But enough about you, dear reader! It's fucking Fun Fact Friday!

Fun fact: Cleopatra sometimes put on a fake beard to perform her duties as queen. Maybe.

"With curves like these, who needs scruff?" - Cleopatra

With all my facts, I try to find some extra information in order to weed out the scurrilous rumors that sometimes masquerade as trivia. This fact is no different, dear reader. I don't know how I could live with myself if, after leaving you to fend for your own fun facts for two weeks, I returned only to feed you false information.

There seems to be a great division on whether or not Cleopatra ever wore a false beard. It is widely acknowledged that Hatshepsut (the fifth pharaoh of the eighteenth dynasty, if that means anything to anyone) did often wear fake beards.

Hatshepsut rocking her beard like it's 1463 B.C.E.

But Cleopatra? It's less clear. I've found sources that say Cleopatra still whipped out her beard because lots of women wore false facial hair to appear more powerful. Some believe that by the time Cleopatra ruled people were more okay with their leader having tits and a lack of chin hair.

And while I am perturbed that I cannot find an absolute answer to whether or not Cleopatra wore a fake beard, I am more perturbed there are no speculations on style. Was it a long chin beard like Hatshepsut's? Or was Cleopatra a pioneer of the soul patch much like James K. Polk was an early supporter of the mullet? Or, and we can only hope that this is the case, did Cleopatra invent the monkey tail?

People's sexiest man alive 2013.

The answers to these burning questions may be lost to history by now, but at least we still know what Cleo's o-face looks like:

She must've been thinking about men with monkey tails.... Until next time, dear reader!

Fun Fact Friday - Battle of the Oranges

Yesterday, my darling husband asked me to help drawing a picture for him. And I did. And it was awesome. Which leads me to today's fun fact, which you might think would be about drawing, but it's not. It's about oranges.

Fun fact: The people of Ivrea, Italy, celebrate the beginning of Lent by throwing oranges at each other.

I do not know if these Eporediese antics are widely known, but it is apparently the largest food fight in Italy. Except for that one time with Burlesconi, his bunga bunga girls, and the limp noodles, but they don't talk about that anymore.

The origins of the Battle of the Oranges are unclear, but why on earth would I bring up this fun fact? Because my darling husband wanted me to draw a different kind of battle of the oranges. I have a skill for drawing vampiric blood oranges, and really, I just wanted to share it with you, dear reader. Also because food fights, at least in theory, are interesting.

Until next time!

Fun Fact Friday - Nerds!

I know what you're thinking, dear reader. It is Saturday. But I was really excited about this fun fact. And then, as it does, shit happened. So it's Fun Fact Fsaturday!

Anyway, I got the best gift in the mail on Thursday, dear reader. "What? What is it‽" I like to imagine you asking, interrobang and all.

It is The Book of Useless Information! Not a book of useless information but The Book of Useless Information!

See! See how awesome it is! And how excited I was!

Anyway, I found an awesome fun fact in it. A fun fact that I want to share with you.

Fun fact: Dr. Seuss invented the word nerd. It first appeared in his book If I Ran the Zoo.

Fun facts about nerds! Holy shitballs, Batman! Does it get any nerdier? Yes, there are probably lots of ways this could be nerdier. Here is one:

After reading that fun fact, I decided to consult the Oxford English Dictionary, you know, the dictionary professors may or may not be telling you to use all the time to trace back the meaning of words at the time they were written so you can really get to know authors... semantically. I don't so much do that. I did, however, use it for this. Because I think you're that important, dear reader. And damn, you look good today.

You're so much prettier than this.

In any case, the Oxford English dictionary says the origin is "uncertain and disputed." But those dictionary wizards do say that perhaps it comes from Dr. Seuss. And all the other explanations they say might, might, explain nerd are unsupported by early spellings. So fuck yeah, Dr. Seuss! And fuck yeah, dictionary wizards! And fuck yeah, dear reader. It might be early to say this, but I love you. I love you so much. Until next time....

Fun Fact Friday - Gesundheit!

Why, hello! Sometimes I say gesundheit to people when they cough. But today's fun fact is about sneezing!

Fun fact: The old English word for sneeze is "fneosan."

"Hi. I didn't sneeze. I'm just cute." - Lester the Elephant

I don't have a whole lot to say about this. I am, however, conflicted because "sneeze" is a cool word. But "fneosan" kind of is too. Also, I think elephants are adorable.

Fun Fact Friday - Strip Tease

Did that title get your attention, dear reader? I sure hope so. Because I have been waiting to do this fun fact for months, and it's finally time! Tomorrow is the birthday of one of my heroes: former Supreme Court super star John Paul Stevens.

The cutest justice to have ever lived.

He wears bow ties and I love him. He will be 93. But now I simply must give you the fun fact! I've waited so long!

Fun fact: In 1998, a New York strip club, Scores, renamed its Champagne Room the John Paul Stevens Room.

Scores didn't name the room after JPS because they wanted to honor him as a patron, but because John Paul Stevens agreed to put a stay on the enforcement of a law that cracked down on adult entertainment until the constitutionality of the law had been determined. That is all you really need to know. Except perhaps that I once wrote John Paul Stevens fan mail. Because what else is a young woman to do with her time?

Happy birthday, John Paul Stevens! And until next time, dear reader....

To the Owner of the Vomit Stain...

To the owner of the vomit stain,

Thank you. I have long felt the hallway leading to my room was lacking that special something that made it "home." Be it the scent of three day old vomit or the aesthetic appeal of the little chunks that might be half-digested tomatoes, I now come home with a renewed sense of welcome. The discolored splotch of carpet seems to writhe up to greet me, as if to say, "Why, hello, Jes. I missed you!"

As I trudge homeward along the goose poop imbued pathways at the end of my long days, I find myself wondering if the stain will still be there. It's been two days, I muse, surely its owner must have come to collect it by now. I simply can't imagine the kind of generous person that would grant me this kind of joy for so long.

The first day, that first fateful day, when I left my room in the morning to meet the rancid scent beyond my door, I thought with wonder, What a gift! What a precious gift today has brought! Vomit! Yes, vomit! A blessed offering that I assumed I would not long know. But day passed into night, and as I scuffled through the hallway I was delighted to see that you had not come to collect the scraps of food and drink you once hoped to digest. My friend remained. There. On the carpet. In the middle of the hall.

By the second day, I was sure that you would not want to share the precious gift of your regurgitation with me any longer. After all, you took the time and effort to spew the contents of your stomach in the hallway. I did not. And so why should I be so blessed to share in the pure joy of its company?

But on this, the third day, I almost feel as though you have abandoned your vomitus. The stain on the floor remains as splotchy and chunky as the day it first appeared, and I sense a sadness about it now. As much as I love coming home to the spatter on the rug, I think it misses you. You, the owner of the vomit stain. It seems only right that you rejoin it, embrace it, claim it as your own. While I will miss its enduring presence, I know it misses you more. So, dear owner of the vomit stain, I implore you to come find your barf and take it home, so that it can know your lasting love instead of my fleeting fondness and brief flirtations.

Most sincerely,
Jes

Fun Fact Friday - Rebecca the Raccoon

For a while, I felt it my duty to steer clear of presidential fun facts. After all, I had stroked their egos (and maybe a little something else) a lot during the beauty pageant. But I am rather pooped today, dear reader, and though you might think that would make it an ideal time to go with one of the flatulence fun facts I have locked and loaded, I've decided to go to one of my all time favorite fun facts instead.

Fun fact: Calvin Coolidge kept a pet raccoon, Rebecca, in the White House.

"Oh, Rebecca! You forgot your hat, darling!" - Mrs. Coolidge

Apparently the real bond was not between raccoon and ruler, but between Coolidge's wife, Grace, and the furry female. Rebecca enjoyed playing with soap and eating eggs - truly a life fit for none but a First Raccoon. Though President Coolidge himself insisted upon Rebecca being a man, he allegedly took her on walks in the evenings.

To be fair, Rebecca was probably better behaved than the children. And I also want a pet raccoon after seeing pictures of Rebecca. I like to imagine them as snuggly rather than rabid.