Fun Fact Friday - Pecans in Space

Do you ever find yourself thinking about nuts, dear reader? I do. I'll just be sitting around and all of a sudden, I have nuts on the brain. How could I not? I mean, they have so much protein! So why not have a nut-based fun fact for today?

Fun fact: Pecans are the only real earth food that astronauts can have in space.

"Hold on, guys! I forgot my nuts." - Jim Lovell

While this fact is undeniably fun (because space!), it also makes me a little sad. Of all the nuts to take into space, astronauts get pecans?

First of all, I am sure this is cause for great conflict in pronunciation. Peanuts are just peanuts. But pecans are PEE-cans and pee-KAHNs. I can just imagine Alan Shepard throwing his nuts at Edgar Mitchell on the moon while screaming, "If you're going to eat my nuts, at least call them PEE-cans!"

Just by the way, I'm a PEE-can kind of lady. In that I like to pee in cans.

Accent aside, I feel there is great injustice in nuts cleared for space travel. Pecans? Really? I love Brazil nuts. And almonds! And must we reject the peanut?

Mr. Peanut does not take rejection well.

I feel I should not rest until astronauts are allowed to sample a variety of nuts in space. I shall fight the good fight, dear reader, but you should too. After all, are you really comfortable living in a world where Astronauts Scott Tingle and Jeanette Epps can't enjoy handfuls of cashews together in space? I know I'm not. So until next time, dear reader, stay strong. And strive for nuts.

Fun Fact Friday - Big Feet, Bigger Umbrella

As a youth, I once dreamed of being a foot model. There once was this man on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? who was a foot model, and I thought it would be a great career. Then when someone solicited me on the internet for foot pictures, it seemed like all my dreams would come true!

But I've moved on. I just don't know if I have what it takes to make it in the cutthroat world of foot modeling. I thought I might bring you a fun fact about feet today anyway. I know a lot of people find feet gross, but are they really worse than uvulae? No.

This experience is not richer because of Tommy's dangling throat flesh.

Fun fact: The word "sciapodous" is used to describe people with feet large enough to be used as umbrellas.

Impressive, right? And possibly useful. I can't tell you how many times I have been outside in a downpour and wished I had a giant foot above my head.

The term evidently comes from a widely underused mythical creature, the sciapod. Sometimes known as a monopod, the sciapod is basically a person with a single, giant foot.

"I love foot." - Sylvester Sciapod

I have also discovered that the umbrella feet of the sciapodes were more often used for shade from the sun. I feel certain that a bottom of the foot sunburn is ridiculously unpleasant. Especially if you only have that one foot. And maybe they had SPF 50, but then why not put it on the rest of them?

I haven't quite figured all this foot umbrella stuff out yet, so for now, my own personal monopod imaginings will only involve rain umbrellas.

Fun Fact Friday - 'Murica

If you know me, you know I am the most wildly patriotic person around. I wake up every morning to the national anthem. My bed is shaped like Mount Rushmore. Sure, it's not comfortable to sleep on lumpy presidential faces, but I do it because I love America so goddamn much. Oh, I bleed red, white, and blue. I even had sex with a bald eagle once. Because America.

This is how America orgasms.

So to celebrate Independence Day, today's fun fact is a presidential one. And you might be thinking that's only because I love presidential fun facts. Or because I am tired from work and always have a few presidential fun facts ready to go. But you would be wrong. It is for America.

Fun fact: Ronald Reagan called Nancy Reagan "Mommy Poo Pants."

"Oh, Mommy Poo Pants, I just want you to rip off my cardigan." - Ronald Reagan

Oh, the romance! It is unclear if Nancy Reagan had an Al Roker-like sharting in the White House incident that led to this unfortunate nickname. I suspect that Ronald just did not have a very good understanding of women.

Until next time, dear reader!

Fun Fact Friday - The Bite Heard 'Round the World

Remember the shot heard 'round the world? That was insane. All that revolutionary shit. It was a crazy time for history. And for me. I was involved in a torrid affair with John Hancock, for obvious reasons.

"My signature isn't the only thing that's big." - John Hancock

Well, this week we finally had the bite heard 'round the world. I always thought the bite heard 'round the world would involve carrots. They are much crunchier than soft, delicious human flesh. But I digress.

But this bite heard 'round the world? As you probably heard the chomp, you must know the bite happened during a world cup match. And I'm sure it will have the same ramifications as the shot heard 'round the world.

See. It's a headline. It's not hyperbole.

But I thought, in honor of this tooth and sports related kerfuffle, that I would bestow upon you the rarest of gifts: a sports fun fact. And not just any sports fun fact - a sports fun fact about the bite that probably should have been heard 'round the world.

Fun fact: In 1923, Red Sox player Clarence Blethen bit his own ass during a baseball game.

Now this World Cup bite seems kind of tame, doesn't it? 

I once lost a tooth playing soccer. But I will always regret that it was not from biting someone.

Sure, you can see the biter, Luis Suárez, holding his clearly injured teeth and the bitten, Giorgio Chiellini, holding his gravely wounded shoulder, but Clarence Blethen bit his own goddamn ass.

Would you believe there are lots of pictures of baseballs with teeth, but none of Clarence Blethen?

Anyway, Mr. Blethen had dentures and, as luck would have it, carried them in his back pocket when up to bat. He slid into a base and chomped down on his own succulent rump roast. He was then removed from the game. Apparently, you're not supposed to bleed from the ass all over the infield.

So, sure, this soccer bite is on a world stage. But for me, Clarence Blethen is the best biter who has ever played the game. Any game. Because anyone can bite someone else, but it takes someone truly special to bite himself in the ass.

Fun Fact Friday - Gifts From Above

Now that I am back to work at Urine World, when I am not being blessed in the name of Jesus Christ by guests, I live in fear. Shadows swoop across the sky. Seagulls reign supreme. My fear is not some Hitchcockian distress. I have been pooped on before, and I will probably be pooped on again. By birds, that is. Visitors of the park have yet to smear their feces upon me, but I am sure that too is coming.

A vindictive seagull.

In any case, in honor of the poop-based horror I meet daily, today's fun fact is bird-related.

Fun fact: Charles Darwin's editor wanted him to write a book about pigeons instead of The Origin of Species.

Evidently, his editor thought The Origin of Species would be too obscure to interest people, but pigeons? Oh, everybody is into pigeons! They pirouette!

"I'm wooing you so hard right now." Phineas T. Philander

But Darwin did not listen to his editor. And got all sciency. And now people believe in evolution. Or decide not to because science is the devil. And so really, he could have written a lovely book about pigeons. People trust folk who author works about pigeons. Because much like the general populace, Jesus was a well-known pigeon fan.

"Pigeons are the worst." - Charles Darwin

But here we are. Charles Darwin hated pigeons and me. Now there are not enough books about pigeons, and I live in fear of being pooped on. Sometimes the world is a pretty crazy place.

Fun Fact Friday - What's in a Name?

There are so many fun facts in this world that I often find myself overwhelmed. I find myself sitting at my desk, clutching my hairs, and yearning for some relief from what I have decided to over-dramatically refer to as "ephemera anguish." Would today be a good day to discuss Bill Clinton's tumultuous relationship with sheep? But what about Albanian mustaches? Or actual death by chocolate?

An artist's rendering of ephemera anguish.

I am plagued by these questions, dear reader. I wonder about you and just what might tickle your fancy this Friday. I can't promise that I have found it, but I want you to know how carefully I consider each fun fact. For you. Also, you smell amazing today.

Fun fact: Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

Millicent? Really? I once had an imaginary future cow named Millicent. I do not feel as fondly about her as I do about my current invisible pony, Salvador. But that's just how life is sometimes.

Salvador enjoying a snack.

But my unusual pets aside, what were Barbie's parents thinking? Come on, George and Margaret of Willows, Wisconsin! Barbara Millicent? It's a wonder Barbie can charm even the package-less Ken. Related: Ken and Barbie are apparently back together. I remember how their split shocked the community back in 2004. There may have even been rumors that Ken was pursuing the all too real "Oreo Fun Barbie" because he knew she liked cream filling.

Real. And so not racist that it was promptly recalled.

Ken may have also gone after "Growing Up Skipper" because she blossomed into a woman right before his eyes. Maybe. I'm not always great at keeping up on the manufactured lives of plastic dolls.

In any case, Barbara Millicent seems to have risen above her unfortunate name. I never really understood her appeal, but she's still freakishly popular. Especially with Ken.

I just want to find a love like this...

Until next time, dear reader!

Fun Fact Friday - Urine World? Autsch!

If you know me personally and are not part of my surprisingly large readership from Eastern Europe, then you may know I have worked at a small, New England water park, which, for my own safety, I will refer to only as Urine World. Tomorrow, I return to Urine World. To work in customer service at a place that recently decided it will be charging money for handicap parking. As if the rogue poopers weren't enough!

How quaint. A sign that thinks people don't do more than pee in pools.

In any case, I'm doomed. So today's fun fact is a reminder that it could be worse.

Fun fact: There is a 24-hour hotline in Germany that you can call to vent frustration at operators.

Interested? I'm honestly not sure if they take international calls, but the hotline is called Schimpf-Los, which roughly translates to "swear away."

Oh, she's pissed. Her boss made her a snail. Or a worm. But probably a snail.

That's right. For just just a euro and a half a minute, you can yell at someone not involved with your problems as much as you want. And then hang up. And you still have all those problems, but hey, at least you got to swear at someone for five minutes and now you don't have that pesky extra money weighing you down!

And I know, I said I was trying to be positive about my fate this summer, but working for Schimpf-Los sounds pretty awesome. At Urine World, people curse at me anyway. And they expect me to fix all of their problems. So maybe this isn't as optimistic an interblag as I had planned, but at least I learned about new career options. Related: I'm moving to Germany. To be sworn at. But I also enjoy sausage.

This sausage is too happy to cuss at you over the phone.

As an added bonus, my research has also revealed that operators at the German swearing hotline can goad uncreative complainers. They can say, "Is that the worst you've got?" Or rather, "Ist das Ihre Schlimmste?"

For the German swearing hotline, "Scheiß" is just a word; at Urine World, it is that turd floating in the pool.

Fun Fact Friday - Fashionista Edition

If you ever find yourself living with a seamstress, you may find yourself in close contact with a large variety of aggressively distasteful prom dresses. If that happens, you may also find yourself accidentally sharing the shower with sequins. You won't have invited them in there, but they will be there. Watching you.

Just imagine this in your shower to understand my life.

In any case, all the prom dresses around me and this year's unfortunate sequin incident - which, to be honest, was less unfortunate than last year's - have left me with fashion on the brain. And this one won't involve any presidents. Once you see the fun fact, you'll be grateful of that.

Fun fact: The world's most expensive bikini is worth $30 million.

I would have shown it being modeled, but I could only find pictures of FDR wearing it...

Well, damn! It's made entirely of diamonds. No fabric. Because why waste time with fabric when you can wear nothing but rocks. And hey, this way you can be a 10. On the Mohs scale.

That's right, nerds. That one was just for you.

Fun Fact Friday - Recycling!

Why, hello! You may be expecting a fun fact about recycling. And I am sure there are many of those, I just don't happen to know any. Or have the energy to look one up. So I am recycling a fun fact which I originally posted a few years ago instead. Please enjoy this trip down memory lane with a man who has been on my mind lately - Teddy Roosevelt.

Fun fact: Every member of Theodore Roosevelt's family owned a pair of stilts.

Teddy: unaware of the inevitable stilt based disappointment his future held.

I have seen the familial stilt ownership explained by TR's children, who evidently loved to have adventuresome playtime. I assume that Teddy and his lovely wife, Edith Kermit (yes, Kermit) Carrow, were simply practicing for the circus.

I like to believe that Theodore hoped to join the circus for much of his life, which is why he cultivated such a fine mustache. During his presidency, Theodore stayed in training, ever hopeful that upon his retirement from politics, Barnum and Bailey's Circus would find a place for the routine he and Edith had perfected: Theodore and Edith's Stilted Waltz. It was a beautiful, lilting dance, but by the time the Roosevelt administration came to an end, ragtime music was at the height of its popularity. Circuses had no place for the act. Dejected, Theodore destroyed all photographic evidence of the routine and threw his own stilts into the Potomac.

Of course I have no proof that any of that is true, but isn't it pretty to think so? And I have not come across any other explanations for Theodore's stilt possession. Or his mustache...

Well, there you have it. Our thirteenth sexiest president, just rocking out with his pince-nez and Pillsbury face. Until next week, dear reader!

Fun Fact Friday - Bouncing Balls

I must warn the faint of heart that today's fun fact pertains to sports. Also to history. Also to underwear. And no, you're not dreaming. This shit is real.

Fun fact: Anne Boleyn watched Henry VIII play tennis in his underwear.

"Tennis? Sure. Just let me grab my balls." - Henry VIII

Before you think the royals indecent, I must tell you the tennis court was indoors. But I am disappointed to report that I have been unable to uncover little else about this pantsless pastime.

With so little to go on, I like to imagine that Anne cherished her time watching Henry play tennis in his underwear. Goodness knows, she was probably just relieved he was doing something in his underwear that wasn't trying to impregnate her with the next king of England.

"Put the mouse back in the house." - Anne Boleyn (after an unfortunate tennis mishap)

In any case, I have a much better view of Henry VIII now. I mean that figuratively of course. I don't think I would actually prefer viewing Henry in his underwear. I just meant that playing sports in nothing but a jock redeems him ever so slightly for killing some wives. Not all the way. If he wanted that kind of redemption, he really should've considered bobsledding in the nude.

Fun Fact Friday - Cat Lady in Training

There is a certain stigma that people associate with cat ladies, but I have long been a proud cat lady in training (or, as I prefer to say, C.L.I.T.). But if this interblog is about anything (it's not), it's about breaking down barriers. And that is what today's fun fact will do.

Fun fact: Every year Americans spend more money on cat food than they do on baby food.

And I have never been more proud to be an American. Because cats.

My kitteh is fancy as fuck.

I'd like to see a baby in a top hat look that good. Actually, I don't think I care to see a baby in a top hat. And some of you may be aghast right now, but I will not feel shame. My fellow C.L.I.T.s and I should not be made to feel shame. Americans should be spending more money on cat food than on baby food. Because cats are better than babies.

I will not take that back.

Please enjoy this list of reasons why cats are better than babies:

1) Babies do not poop in boxes. Cats do.

2) Cats can eat off the floor without it being an issue for protective services.

and, if any other reason were required,

3) On car rides, you can put cats in cages.

Obviously I have more reasons, but if you say any of these to people who wonder why you'd rather have cats than kids, they will probably leave you alone. Maybe forever. And I really don't care. Because I have this face to come home to:

Until next time, dear reader.

Fun Fact Friday - Cereal Liars

I am in quite a huff. A huff that will likely not even be healed by Fun Fact Friday. Probably because it is this very fun fact that has gotten me in such a huff!

Fun fact: All-Bran is 87% bran.

"Everything I have ever told you is a lie. I am not all bran. And I don't love you." - Phineas E. All-Bran

This is worse than the day I discovered JC Penney was not JC Penny. And that was a devastating day.

These ones are probably even less bran.

Sure, you might not eat All-Bran. I don't. I like pooping to be a challenge. But it just makes me think about all the cereals that have probably lied to me over the years. Maybe I shouldn't judge them all by the All-Bran standard of deception. But what if Sonny the Cuckoo Bird is not cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs?

"I'm not cuckoo. I'm just somewhat excitable." - Sonny

What if Baron Von Redberry preferred blueberries? What if Snap, Crackle, and Pop prefer to be known by their Swiss names of Piff, Paff, and Poff? And worst of all, what if Tony the Tiger is actually a panther who painted his orange stripes on to sell cereal?

I just can't deal with all this pain. I mean, I always knew Lucky Charms cereal wasn't magically delicious. But now All-Bran has turned on us? This is a pain that cannot be healed. Not even by a gentle stroke of the thigh from the Quaker Oat man.

Fun Fact Friday - Lappish Leaks

I've never been to Lapland, dear reader, but I hear it's lovely this time of year. On a related note, my Finnish-themed strip club, which is also called Lapland, is lovely any time of year. Stop in today!

But enough of co-ed naked strippers. We have more exciting things to attend to. I am, of course, referring to this week's fun fact.

Fun fact: There is an old Lappish measurement, poronkusema, which refers to the distance a reindeer can walk before stopping to urinate.

"Oh, hi." - Ernest T. Reindeer

Apparently poronkusema has now come to refer to something that is an indefinite distance away. Which is actually good because the internet can't seem to agree if reindeer have to stop every 4.5 or every 6 miles to take a leak. Having never urinated with a reindeer, I can offer you nothing more certain.

But this also brings up the fact that reindeer cannot walk and pee at the same time, which is often cited as the reason that this term exists. I would have thought it really had more to do with their small bladders.

But now I am wondering what animals can walk and pee at the same time. I am pretty sure I have never seen anything walk and pee at the same time. I have personally never tried, but I imagine that for humans, walking and peeing at the same time would be messy. So maybe reindeer can walk and pee at the same time, but they just don't want to have urine all over their legs.

"You really think I want to pee all over myself?" - Bertram T. Unimpressed

I am vaguely offended that it is suggested reindeer can't do something, when in fact they might just want to be neat and fine smelling to impress their reindeer friends. Goodness knows that is why I don't pee all over myself. It's for you, dear reader. It's all for you.

Fun Fact Friday - Meh

Woah. Look at all the enthusiasm in that title. And in that woah. But fear not, dear reader, this fun fact is, in fact, very fun.

Fun fact: In Japan, sheep are said to say "meh."

"Meh." - Sheep E. Woolworth

That's right! Sure, we all thought that roosters had the best global variations in noisemaking, but I am afraid the title must now go to sheep. And I know it was fun to run around screaming "bah" when you played the classic children's game known as Supreme Sheep, but we have something far better now.

They would wave their hands in the air like they just didn't care, but they care even less than that.

Now we can imagine legions of apathetic sheep. And that is all I have ever wanted.

Fun Fact Friday - We Have Nothing to Fear but EVERYTHING

It's true, dear reader. You have everything to fear. Particularly the cold clutches of eternal slumber. Our inevitable demises draw nearer with each passing breath, so why not live in constant fear of the things that surround us before we must voyage into the great unknown?

So much sass, so little life.

And I know the perfect way to follow a morbid reminder of your mortality. Why, a fun fact!

Fun fact: Phobatrivaphobia is the fear of trivia about phobias.

That's beautiful, isn't it? Oddly poetic. And you just know that some sick fuck found out his friend had a phobia of trivia about phobias and decided to make up a name for it so that he could torture his friend with that bit of trivia about phobias.

On a related note, Sigmund Freud and I share a fear of ferns.

Cripes, I hate ferns.

A fear of ferns? Yes. I happen to find spores incredibly unsettling, but I hear Freud feared ferns for they reminded him of penises brushing up against his calves. He did not care for that.

Well, until next time, dear reader! Unless the ferns reunite us with the soil from which we came before then....

Fun Fact Friday - Aging Elegantly

Oh! Why, hello! Do you ever wish you were older, dear reader? And I don't mean you, swaths of dear prepubescent readers who wish you would grow out of that awkward phase. No. I have something better in mind, and it brings us to today's fun fact.

Fun fact: Liechtenstein is the world's leading producer of false teeth.

"I'm awkward and small and just want to be loved." - Liechtenstein

Let's face facts, dear reader. We're all really just waiting for the day when the dentist says we can get dentures. (This is, of course, assuming all my completely legitimate fears about dentists being serial killers don't pan out before that day arrives.) Once you have dentures, you can pop your teeth out and frighten small children. You can nibble your own ear if you feel lonely. You can even bite people from across the room!

Nom.

And I know having dentures means giving up on raspberry jam that still has the seeds in it, which really is miles better than seedless raspberry jam, but being a crazy old person is the dream we're all chasing. Who doesn't long for the day when talking to yourself out-loud and in public is just another lovable trait? And I can't wait until I get to wear diapers again.

So I think it is time we celebrated Liechtenstein for the heroic country it is! With its sassy castle and sausage casing! With its ridiculously low unemployment rate and Franz I von Liechtenstein!

"I mustache you to call me Franz." - Prince Franz I

So next time you meet someone from Liechtenstein, dear reader, remember to thank them. Because someday you may be lucky enough to have false teeth. You'll adjust your diaper, buy yourself your first jar of seedless raspberry jam, and gleefully eat spoonfuls of it while thinking of Vaduz. You will settle in for an evening of watching Murder, She Wrote without ever having to worry about getting up to pee. And then, as Angela Lansbury closes the case, you will flash a final goodnight smile to Liechtenstein before taking out your new false teeth and drifting to sleep at 9 p.m. while humming the final verse to Oben am jungen Rhein.

Fun Fact Friday - God Doesn't Eat Pi

Today is Pi Day, dear reader, and I hate to admit that my own celebrations have been rather lackluster. I haven't drawn any circles. I haven't memorized any digits. And worst of all, this morning I ate some scones. Square scones. Yeah, I'm a bitch.

But I do have a pi related fun fact for you. I hope it makes your day 3.1415926 et cetera times better.

Fun Fact: John Donne, noted pointy-beard proponent and poet, thought that trying to square a circle was going against God.

"I'm wearing a circular ruff because I love Jesus." - John Donne

"But where's the pi?" I like to imagine you shouting, dear reader. "You promised us some pi!"

I'm afraid I have to ask you to calm down.

Anyway, squaring the circle, or trying to make a square and circle with the exact same area, used to be popular amusement for mathematically inclined people. Especially people in prison. I'm looking at you, Anaxagoras! And in case you don't have fond memories of finding the area of a log's cross-section with Mr. Larson in the third grade, you may need to be reminded that pi is important for finding the area of circles. So there's your pi! But what of Pointy-Beard McPoetry?

Well, John Donne wrote this poem called "Upon the Translations of the Psalms by Sir Philip Sydney, and the Countess of Pembroke, His Sister." Okay. Can we talk about how much John Donne sucks at titles? That title is so bad, I'm going to pay someone to pee on it later.

"I also once wrote a poem about how I want to get in your pants. For Jesus." - John Donne

Anyway, there is this bit right at the beginning of the poem where Donne equates squaring the circle with trying to rationalize God even though he is eternal and infinite and all that jazz.

Seems pretty legit, right? I remember that part of the Bible when God said unto Moses, "Thou shalt not toil with the circles and the squares for they are unclean. Whoever so meddles with the maths shall be put to death. Or perhaps just chastised in a poorly-titled poem."

"I'm so Donne with poems right now." - Pi

And maybe John Donne would feel that his metaphor is vindicated by the fact that you can't square the circle because pi is a tricky little transcendental, but then world record holder Hiroyoki Gotu would recite pi to 42,195 digits, John Donne's head would explode, and we could all have a nice piece of pie.

Fun Fact Friday - Congressional Monsters

Do you ever think about partially homogenized milk, dear reader? I have. Once or twice. It's not a big deal. But it's not what today's fun fact is about.

Fun fact: Elmo is the only nonhuman to testify before Congress.

You try looking this good while surrounded by Congress.

It was the spring of 2002. No (literal) monster had ever been called before the Congress before, but Elmo had a freshly tailored suit and the perfect tie for the occasion.

Yes. I am partial to purple ties, but red really brings out his fur.

Elmo spoke stirringly about music education in schools. Then this guy, who looks vaguely like one of the professors I had in college, whispered sweet nothings in the love of my life's ear.

Hot damn!

The only weird part of the story? Congressman Randy "Duke" Cunningham, also known as that guy who took bribes and went to prison and now wants to write books in the forest, invited Elmo to speak.

Anyway, I'm off to testify before the the House Agricultural Subcommittee on Livestock, Rural Development, and Credit. Happy Fun Fact Friday, dear reader!

Fun Fact Friday - Refrigerator Romance

This week, Sonya Sotomayor had the distinct honor of being the first justice of the Supreme Court that I have ever dreamt about. Which is weird because I spend my days cutting out pictures of John Paul Stevens. It's not that I don't like Sonya; in fact, she gave me some great relationship advice while I rode her water slides, which I promise you is not as dirty as that made it sound. It's just that I never thought I'd dream of her before notorious SCOTUS heartthrob, JPS.

John Paul Stevens talking to the woman of my dreams, I guess.

But don't worry, dear reader, I won't be giving you a SCOTUS fun fact. After all the POTUS shenanigans, I think we could all use a rest from flirting with government types. But I thought maybe we could do a sleepy times fact. So that it is still related to my weird confession about Justice Sotomayor.

Fun Fact: It is against the law to sleep on top of a refrigerator in Pennsylvania. But only outside.

"Now, we got this new fridge, honey. But it is not going to come on our nature naps, okay?" - Daddy McFifties

There are a lot of crazy laws out there, and it is vaguely startling that I haven't done a fun fact about any of them yet. After all, some friends and I dyed margarine pink once because it is illegal in my home state of New Hampshire. (Also, I sure hope we're past the statute of limitations on that. It would really ruin my badass reputation if I got jailed for something so trivial.)

But I think I try to avoid strange laws because, try as I might, I can never find any more information. Sure, this law is in a bunch of books and a lot of strange law websites, and it probably is real. But my delicious yogurt and I would feel a lot better if our searches on the Pennsylvania General Assembly's website turned up more than two laws (passed last year) pertaining to fridges.

American families still love to spend time together while leaving the fridge door open for no apparent reason.

I assume there is an explanation for this law that probably involves a drunk person and a fridge outside a Wawa. But I can't say for sure. The Pennsylvania General Assembly has thwarted me again! So until I find out otherwise, I'm going to assume this law was written because of something salacious. That's right. In my mind Pennsylvania is now overrun with nude people routinely sleeping on their lawn refrigerators. You might think that would be covered by indecent exposure. But when indecent exposure is concerned, I find fewer things are covered than you would expect.

"That nudity pun was so cool, I'm in a fridge." - Giraffe G. Raffington

Anyway, ball's in your court Pennsylvania. Or rather, your legislature!

And now I'm done. I promise.