Fun Fact Friday - Aging Elegantly

Oh! Why, hello! Do you ever wish you were older, dear reader? And I don't mean you, swaths of dear prepubescent readers who wish you would grow out of that awkward phase. No. I have something better in mind, and it brings us to today's fun fact.

Fun fact: Liechtenstein is the world's leading producer of false teeth.

"I'm awkward and small and just want to be loved." - Liechtenstein

Let's face facts, dear reader. We're all really just waiting for the day when the dentist says we can get dentures. (This is, of course, assuming all my completely legitimate fears about dentists being serial killers don't pan out before that day arrives.) Once you have dentures, you can pop your teeth out and frighten small children. You can nibble your own ear if you feel lonely. You can even bite people from across the room!

Nom.

And I know having dentures means giving up on raspberry jam that still has the seeds in it, which really is miles better than seedless raspberry jam, but being a crazy old person is the dream we're all chasing. Who doesn't long for the day when talking to yourself out-loud and in public is just another lovable trait? And I can't wait until I get to wear diapers again.

So I think it is time we celebrated Liechtenstein for the heroic country it is! With its sassy castle and sausage casing! With its ridiculously low unemployment rate and Franz I von Liechtenstein!

"I mustache you to call me Franz." - Prince Franz I

So next time you meet someone from Liechtenstein, dear reader, remember to thank them. Because someday you may be lucky enough to have false teeth. You'll adjust your diaper, buy yourself your first jar of seedless raspberry jam, and gleefully eat spoonfuls of it while thinking of Vaduz. You will settle in for an evening of watching Murder, She Wrote without ever having to worry about getting up to pee. And then, as Angela Lansbury closes the case, you will flash a final goodnight smile to Liechtenstein before taking out your new false teeth and drifting to sleep at 9 p.m. while humming the final verse to Oben am jungen Rhein.