Fun Fact Friday - Big Feet, Bigger Umbrella

As a youth, I once dreamed of being a foot model. There once was this man on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? who was a foot model, and I thought it would be a great career. Then when someone solicited me on the internet for foot pictures, it seemed like all my dreams would come true!

But I've moved on. I just don't know if I have what it takes to make it in the cutthroat world of foot modeling. I thought I might bring you a fun fact about feet today anyway. I know a lot of people find feet gross, but are they really worse than uvulae? No.

This experience is not richer because of Tommy's dangling throat flesh.

Fun fact: The word "sciapodous" is used to describe people with feet large enough to be used as umbrellas.

Impressive, right? And possibly useful. I can't tell you how many times I have been outside in a downpour and wished I had a giant foot above my head.

The term evidently comes from a widely underused mythical creature, the sciapod. Sometimes known as a monopod, the sciapod is basically a person with a single, giant foot.

"I love foot." - Sylvester Sciapod

I have also discovered that the umbrella feet of the sciapodes were more often used for shade from the sun. I feel certain that a bottom of the foot sunburn is ridiculously unpleasant. Especially if you only have that one foot. And maybe they had SPF 50, but then why not put it on the rest of them?

I haven't quite figured all this foot umbrella stuff out yet, so for now, my own personal monopod imaginings will only involve rain umbrellas.

Fun Fact Friday - 'Murica

If you know me, you know I am the most wildly patriotic person around. I wake up every morning to the national anthem. My bed is shaped like Mount Rushmore. Sure, it's not comfortable to sleep on lumpy presidential faces, but I do it because I love America so goddamn much. Oh, I bleed red, white, and blue. I even had sex with a bald eagle once. Because America.

This is how America orgasms.

So to celebrate Independence Day, today's fun fact is a presidential one. And you might be thinking that's only because I love presidential fun facts. Or because I am tired from work and always have a few presidential fun facts ready to go. But you would be wrong. It is for America.

Fun fact: Ronald Reagan called Nancy Reagan "Mommy Poo Pants."

"Oh, Mommy Poo Pants, I just want you to rip off my cardigan." - Ronald Reagan

Oh, the romance! It is unclear if Nancy Reagan had an Al Roker-like sharting in the White House incident that led to this unfortunate nickname. I suspect that Ronald just did not have a very good understanding of women.

Until next time, dear reader!