Fun Fact Friday - The Bite Heard 'Round the World

Remember the shot heard 'round the world? That was insane. All that revolutionary shit. It was a crazy time for history. And for me. I was involved in a torrid affair with John Hancock, for obvious reasons.

"My signature isn't the only thing that's big." - John Hancock

Well, this week we finally had the bite heard 'round the world. I always thought the bite heard 'round the world would involve carrots. They are much crunchier than soft, delicious human flesh. But I digress.

But this bite heard 'round the world? As you probably heard the chomp, you must know the bite happened during a world cup match. And I'm sure it will have the same ramifications as the shot heard 'round the world.

See. It's a headline. It's not hyperbole.

But I thought, in honor of this tooth and sports related kerfuffle, that I would bestow upon you the rarest of gifts: a sports fun fact. And not just any sports fun fact - a sports fun fact about the bite that probably should have been heard 'round the world.

Fun fact: In 1923, Red Sox player Clarence Blethen bit his own ass during a baseball game.

Now this World Cup bite seems kind of tame, doesn't it? 

I once lost a tooth playing soccer. But I will always regret that it was not from biting someone.

Sure, you can see the biter, Luis Suárez, holding his clearly injured teeth and the bitten, Giorgio Chiellini, holding his gravely wounded shoulder, but Clarence Blethen bit his own goddamn ass.

Would you believe there are lots of pictures of baseballs with teeth, but none of Clarence Blethen?

Anyway, Mr. Blethen had dentures and, as luck would have it, carried them in his back pocket when up to bat. He slid into a base and chomped down on his own succulent rump roast. He was then removed from the game. Apparently, you're not supposed to bleed from the ass all over the infield.

So, sure, this soccer bite is on a world stage. But for me, Clarence Blethen is the best biter who has ever played the game. Any game. Because anyone can bite someone else, but it takes someone truly special to bite himself in the ass.