Fun Fact Friday - Healthy Skepticism

Whenever I dig fun facts out of the annals of the internets, books, or ornate chests riddled with obscene hobo code warnings, I try to find a little background info. Because a lot of fun facts are actually lies. Lies, I say! Just keep that in mind for today's fun fact. And also for life.

Even though it looks like a duck, this is hobo code for free telephone.

Fun fact: The world record for the book most often stolen from public libraries is Guinness World Records.

Before you assault me through the interwebs with indignation, I would like to acknowledge that some sources claim the Bible is the most commonly stolen book from libraries. I really prefer stealing my Bibles from hotels. It should also be noted that many librarians say they frequently lose books about witchcraft, UFOs, and the occult. Apparently people try to personally censor their local libraries' collections. For Jesus, I assume. Stealing in the name of Christ is almost as good as killing in the name of Christ, but obviously lacks the real gusto that God was going for.

"I totally stole this sheep. And now I'm gonna go steal some books. And kill some hobos." - Jesus

All deities aside, what really intrigues me about today's fun fact is that it seems to imply that at one point Guinness World Records awarded this record to Guinness World Records. It's like a play within a play, a picture within a picture, a Droste effect of world records! And it is very suspicious.

Now, I've seen these world record certifiers that Guinness sends out. They're all official with their patches and clipboards. But it is a charade! Do you really think they actually measured that creepy lady's freakishly long fingernails? They didn't. They took her word for it. Because that is disgusting. And what the hell does she do with her days? Her fingers get in the way of everything hands related. And how does she shower? Or scratch her ass?

I was going to do a picture of creepy nails lady, but she scares me. So here are some cuddles.

I'm not saying that Guinness World Records isn't the most stolen book. After all, I am a certified badass, which I self-certified. I had to. Because even though I am a badass, no one else was giving me a certificate. So maybe Guinness World Records is on the mark for this fact. On the other hand, most stolen library book does not appear to have made the cut for 2014 categories. Much like how the fingernail lady takes care of unfortunate itches, the most stolen library book may be a mystery for the ages.