Secular Sunday: Biblical Lesson 2

Yesterday my parents had a bunch of random Catholic people in my house. If you have found me on the Twitter, you already know it was not a great day for feminism or my employment-related self-esteem, but it was a great day for Jesus. And it all got me thinking: it's been a long time since I added to my boiling down the Bible series. In fact, I've only done one part. And that was a year ago. (You can find it here if you're so inclined.)

In any case, I got out my lady Bible, by which I mean it is actually a gendered Bible. On the cover anyway. I don't think it contains more specific language about how I need birth control for my complete lack of libidinal control, but it is pink. Like my lovely lady bits, which are also where I store it. To keep the devil sperm away.

Just chillin' with my lady Bible and my nuclear emergency preparedness calendar.

Devil sperm aside, I found us a lovely passage that my Bible told me (yeah, it tells me things like Tom Riddle's diary, don't worry about it) I should read today. I'll give you the text and then the takeaway.

The text:

And when they had come to Capernaum, those who recieved the temple tax came to Peter and said, 'Does your Teacher not pay the temple tax?' He said, 'Yes.' And when he had come into the house, Jesus anticipated him, saying 'What do you think, Simon? From whom do the kings of the earth take customs or taxes, from their own sons or from strangers?' Peter said to Him, 'From strangers.' Jesus said to him, 'Then the sons are free. Nevertheless, lest we offend them, go to the sea, cast in a hook, and take the fish that comes up first. And when you have opened its mouth, you will find a piece of money; take that and give it to them for Me and you.'

Well, we've learned several things today, dear reader:

1) Jesus always knows when you are going to ask him about tax evasion.
2) Much like George W. Bush, Jesus had fun nicknames for his bros.

and, most importantly

3) Fish are rich little bitches that have been holding out on me.

"I'm so rich, I've got gold fucking fins." - Rainbow Fish

Enjoy your day, dear reader. I'm going to learn how to fish.